Solace

​Giving advice is a practice in my relationships I've never perfected. Good advice in an era where the loudest voices are given platforms is like trying to spot a butterfly within a flock of birds. There are so many voices with little distinction.

I don’t give advice. I listen; I've always been good at this. But I’m likely to respond with silence– which isn't meant to say I haven’t found or don’t have the words. Rather, my silence is me creating room for more words.

I don’t talk to take up space. Since I was a child, I’ve hated it. Words always were easier written than said.

Other people like to talk so I'd let them. I also enjoy watching them make sense of what once confused them. I'd just affirm their process. In the same way, I like to be affirmed.

I, myself, don’t hurriedly do away with negative thoughts. I don’t have 7–10 steps to shift me from negativity to sanguinity in a matter of a few deep breaths or affirmations. These things have never helped me.

We’re all more complicated than this. I value every thought that roams my head. It comes from somewhere, so I trace it to its root. Instead of asking a thought “why are you here?” It’s usually “how’d you get here?” and “where’d you come from?” This is my own emotional or spiritual alchemy.

​The last 2 years of my life have been filled with me learning and sharing a home with grief, love, and wonder. I didn’t run from these things; I let them live with me until I learned them inside and out. It all comes from somewhere. Somewhere significant. Something gave birth to these feelings. Rather than “what’s wrong?” We should ask, “what happened?”

I find solace when I sit with whatever is on the opposite end of it. I make peace with every emotion my body feels. The good and the bad. I don’t rid myself of the unpleasant feelings. I let them stay and grow old. I run my hands through them until our textures are familiar with one another.

I help these feelings feel welcome and comfortable. They're real, so I allow them to stay. At least until there’s no more room for them, or they feel unwelcome and leave. When good things arrive, there's usually no space left for the bad.

I started writing this around 7pm then stopped. I resumed, then finished at 3am.

Told by: Kwon